I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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