the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
