So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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