id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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