Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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