Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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