She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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