I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
