This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
