Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
