did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
