We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
