Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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