No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
