Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
