OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
