Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
