you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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