Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize