I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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