So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
