youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize