Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
