So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
