the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
