I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
