You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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