Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
