i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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