He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
