I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
