I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
