She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
