you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
