She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
