I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
