I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
