There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize