You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My life is pants optional.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
