Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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