dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
