I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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