The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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