I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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