@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
