i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
