living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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