If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
