My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
