the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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