Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
