chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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