Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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