Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
