Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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