so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
