I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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