my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
