he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
