so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
