I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
