I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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