We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
