Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
