his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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