She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
