Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
