So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
