found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
