woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
