you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
