You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
