Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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