remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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